Being in love

I didn’t think I would ever write something this personal on a public blog, but here it goes. Before I start, I want to talk a little about the word “love”. I remember a priest who gave an excellent summary of this feeling of love: it can be categorised into THREE branches.

  • Love for friends
  • Love for family
  • Love for partner (your other half)

Each love feels different to the other and all of them have things in common. They all involve affection, care, respect, understanding, connection and comfort. People we love tend to matter a lot more than others.

I also think the aforementioned feelings of love have different degrees of strength. Personally, if I was asked to rank them it would be as follows:

  1. Love for partner
  2. Love for family
  3. Love for friends

Some people might agree and some people might disagree with me. I do not believe there is any correct answer, since it all depends on our values. More about that later.

For me, this is what it feels like being in love with a partner. Just being with them makes you exceptionally happy. They feel like water – something that you cannot imagine living without. When you are not with them, you feel alone even if you are among your friends and family. They become your whole world. You want to be with them even with their flaws. No matter how flawed they are you like them the way they are because that’s what makes them unique. You want to share every experience with them now that you have them in your life. Even when you fight, you want to work things out – you are determined to make the relationship work, you are willing to make adjustments. In fact, the song “Make you feel my love” written by Bob Dylan and beautifully sung by Adele sums up what love feels like completely.

I feel like there are people out there who enter relationships and/or say “I love you” without feeling like this. While I understand that some people may disagree with the above description of love, but if you know your partner feels this way about you and you don’t, you shouldn’t be in a relationship with them. It hurts both parties and it will only do harm than good in the long run.

What I am trying to say is that a loving relationship between two partners only works if you share the same values. If your values match, it is very likely that your feelings towards each other will match as well. However, these values do and can change over time – because we, ourselves change as we grow older. If we still share the same values over the course of time, the relationship will be strong as ever. If our values change to the point it differs, sadly the relationship will break.

From my (limited) experience I completely understand why people divorce or break-up. It is much healthier for both parties to be alone or with someone else instead of being in a loveless relationship. I no longer blame my previous partners for not loving me anymore – I now understand (although I do wish one didn’t drag it on for quite so long though as it turned out it was a bloody waste of time for both of us!).

I am not bitter. I do not regret my past relationships. In fact, I would be extremely sad if I did not have the opportunity to be with someone I was in love with. To experience the feelings of being in love, no matter how much pain it brings me. That being said, I am currently enjoying being single. Learning to love myself and giving myself the time to heal has been an absolute blessing. I do thank God for that.

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